Straight from the Lion's Mouth: BachTalk

Question: Coming out of high school, has college basketball been what you expected?

Christoph Schoenbeck: College basketball has been more or less what I expected, a fun challenge. I was somewhat surprised by what a time commitment it is to play college sports. It’s all fun and games in high school, but playing in college really kicks things up a notch. Basketball is basically my job and I have to make sure to bring it mentally every day.

Q: What part of your game has vastly improved since entering college?

CS: Playing in the NJAC is no joke. Every game, the guys we play against are extremely athletic and skilled. At first, I had a lot of trouble being able to handle the physicality of rebounding and defending the post in our conference. I’ve always known my role is to rebound and defend. I’d like to think I’ve got a lot better in those aspects.

Q: What is the most difficult aspect of being tall?

CS: This is an easy one for me. If you’re in an awkward social situation, being tall makes it way more obvious that you are in fact being awkward. You just can’t hide when you’re a head taller than most people.

Q: You have a pet hamster named Wrigley. Where does the name come from and what exactly does a hamster do that makes him a great pet?

CS: Wrigley’s name comes from the home of the Chicago Cubs, Wrigley Field. I have kind of a one-sided relationship with Chicago sports where I come back year after year just so they can continuously let me down. But the thing that makes Wrigley such a great pet is really his cunningness and smarts for having a brain the size of a peanut. I consider him to be the Bear Grylls of Hamsters. He escaped his cage a couple of weeks ago, eluded me and my housemates for three days, and was then found/captured from his self-sustaining home underneath our oven.

Q: Is it true that you need to be able to dance to play college basketball? How would describe your dancing skills and to what music can you cut it up the best?

CS: I’m not saying you definitely have to be a good dancer to play ball, but I could see some similarities between dancing and basketball. Seamless footwork, the ability to squeeze in and out of tight areas, and lower body strength are valued in both activities, especially for big men in basketball. Fortunately for me, I was blessed with really none of these. However, hard work pays off on and off the dance floor. I don’t consider myself the best dancer, but I’m confident and have a good time out there. Throw a little Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus on and you’re not going to find a much better dancing partner than me.

Q: Explain your love affair with mashed potatoes.

CS: I’ve got to give a shout out to Ellen Schoenbeck, my mother, on this one. All through my childhood, it was an honor and a privilege in my house to lick the mashed potato beaters when my mom had completed the mashing phase. I guess I just got hooked early and haven’t looked back since. Luckily, Eickhoff has mashed potatoes pretty much every meal so I can always get my fix.

Q: If you were to describe the perfect woman for you, what would you detail?

CS: Smart, athletic looking, willing to watch/talk sports with me, has the ability and skill set to deliver a good head rub or back scratch when the opportunity presents itself. Also, anybody that is up to frequently bringing me Taco Bell or Wendy’s after a long practice to reward the body is a plus. Yeah, I think I pretty much just described my girlfriend. It makes sense.

Q: What has been the best class you've taken at TCNJ and why?

CS: Hands down Finance 310: Intro to Investments with Claire Bohnett. The woman is a saint. She’s tough but fair. She puts us all on the hot seat every morning about what we learned in the previous class. If you don’t study and she knows, she’s like a shark with blood in the water. She just keeps coming at you. I hate it, but I respect it. I’ve learned more about investing this semester than I could ever hope and really just can’t wait to one day have my own diversified portfolio.

My Life Be Like..

I love writing. It’s what I do. I can’t be entirely sure why I haven’t been BachTalking more of late, but here’s a list of potential explanations.

1. The rise of Twitter in my life- In the past, I’ve never really thought of Twitter as an outlet to express my opinions. I don’t do facebook statuses, so why would I enjoy a social networking site that is essentially just FB Statuses? I’d love to explain my fascination with Twitter, but it’s just something that’s grown on me. At this point, when I feel like relaying my opinions on the world of sports, the Twitterverse is my first stop. So get a username and start tweeting me up!

2. Basketball Season- TCNJ Basketball…Primed for a big year. Thanks to all the time we’ve been putting in this season. Not going to lie though, suicides and defensive slides leave me tired. Need sleepies!

3. Finance 310- Ah, the dreaded Intro to Investments. Sure, who doesn’t love to valuate a hearty 1000 dollar bond taking into account coupon rate and the current yield of the market? I certainly do. But the fact of the matter is my finance teacher has been giving it to me since August 26th of this year. She did give me Eagles-Chiefs tickets earlier in the semester though, so I guess I’ll take it. However, her mandatory questions at the beginning of the class and her blue eyes that pierce the insides of my soul strike fear in me pre 10 AM. With that said, study time needs to be allotted.

4. Sunday Football- When Mark Sanchize is slinging interceptions, I don’t want to take my eyes away from the TV. When JaMarcus Russell is somehow on national television every week on the East Coast, I owe myself the justice of watching him vastly underperform on a consistent basis. When Jay Cutler is on primetime TV, you know I’m there eyes glued.

5. I like to make excuses- Instead of writing something meaningful about sports, I decided to write a couple paragraphs explaining my inadequacies. So, I will leave you with a couple of true sports observations from Sunday November 1st. First off, the Giants are not as good as we thought. After loading up on Powder Puff teams early in the season, Los Gigantes are coming down to Earth FAST against the elite of the NFL. Secondly, Philadelphia and New York sports fans SUCK. They specialize in materializing out of thin air when the playoffs come around and not knowing what they’re talking about. Try being a Cubs, Bears, and Mavericks fan for a day and then you’ll know the true thick and thin of what it is to be a fan. Finally, Oregon’s convincing win over USC last night signifies this year in college football. The elite teams have enjoyed skimming by when tested and have taken it on the chin in the big games. Expect some more Titans to fall in the near future. That’s something that you can remember!

Around the Dorm 2009

Last year, I participated in a round table discussion in the school newspaper called Around the Dorm. I quit before the year was out because the refs were clearly being paid under the table to not let me win. However, similar to Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers, I was sought out to make a triumphant return to organized athletics this year. Below is my first attempt at my return to glory.

1) Future Hall of Fame point guard Allen Iverson signed a 1 year deal with Memphis Grizzlies. This is a man whose prowess for dividing teams is comparable to Terrell Owens. Will he help or hurt a Grizzlies team that cannot get any worse?

Answer: We’re talkin’ about practice, man? Practicing, and leadership as a whole, hasn’t exactly been Allen Iverson’s calling card over the last decade. However, the Grizzlies’ addition of “The Answer” is desperately needed and should be a positive. Let’s face it: Memphis needs to start selling out the Forum in the near future or may be migrating for the winter yet again (see: Vancouver). Iverson will put the butts in the seats, just like Owens, who has had Buffalo fans buzzing with anticipation this preseason. To add to that, we’re talking about one of the most prolific scorers in NBA history, who has sliced and diced NBA defenses for 27 points a game in his 13 year career. If Iverson can shelve even a small portion of his ego, his knowledge and savvy play will help elevate and mold budding young players Rudy Gay and O.J. Mayo into stars.

2) With less than a month left in the Major League Baseball regular season, the playoff picture is coming together. Who are your picks for the World Series, and who will win?

Answer: Yankees over Cardinals in 6. No, I’m not a Yankee fan. This pick is just 100 percent unbiased goodness. The fact is, like it or not, the Yankees have finally bought the best team in baseball. Heading into the playoffs they will have home field advantage, which bodes well for the Bronx Bombers considering they are 23-6 at home since the break. On the NL side, the Cardinals are hot. Albert Pujols is swinging a bat that might as well be a wooden tennis racket, while their pitching staff has been dealing. In the playoffs, pitching goes a long way. Adam Wainwright and Chris Carpenter are a combined 21-2 since July 1st. However, the Yankees staff of Sabathia, Burnett, Petite, and Chamberlain should be able to match the Cardinals flame throwers. Plus, once the ninth inning rolls around, the Yankees are usually just getting started, as shown by their 13 walk-off wins.

3) College Football saw its first week come and pass. After seeing the best teams in the nation take the field, who would you place at the top of the list?

Answer: Is this a trick question? It almost seems too easy. There are three things you can always count on: death, taxes, and Tim Tebow. The Florida Gators return all 11 of their defensive starters and perhaps the most prolific quarterback in NCAA history. At the same time, Alabama impressed against Virginia Tech. These two are the class of the SEC and could make for one exciting SEC Title Game. When Sam Bradford’ shoulder hit the turf last weekend in Dallas, so too did the Sooners hopes of being a title contender. The Texas Longhorns and Colt McCoy should now cruise to the Big 12 title. As usual, the USC Trojans continue to be the most powerful thing to come out of the Pac-10 since LeGarrette Blount’s right hook. Assuming freshman quarterback Matt Barkley continues to progress, expect to see USC in the title game come January where Tim Tebow will be anxiously waiting.

Fantasy Files '09

Yahoo Sports has added a new feature to their extensive fantasy football repertoire this season: the mock draft. As far as I’m concerned, this is the best thing to happen to me since Rashaan Salaam. Maybe even Curtis Enis. Yahoo allows you to prep for your upcoming fantasy draft by picking from any possible spot in the draft. It gives you a chance to be Al Davis at pick seven (i.e. Yeah, Derrius Heyward-Bey looks good to me here. I might have to go Al Davis on that ass) or be a wizard like Matt Millen (i.e. take any receiver that possibly falls into your lap).

But, most importantly for me, it gives me a chance to simulate exactly how I will inevitably mess up my draft on Monday, August 17th.

As a 21 year old man, I take a lot of pride in my football IQ as well as my fantasy football abilities. My high school buddies and I have gathered in the same basement for the last four years to conduct our drafts live via the internet. We all have our “war rooms” and set up shop in separate parts of the basement, only to criticize each other constantly. Last year, I think even saw John Clayton hiding in one of the closests trying to get the insider dish. Now, I’ll be the first one to dap myself up for a job well done while the draft clock is still ticking.

See: “Wow guys. Letting Joseph Addai fall to me at 9? I must have missed the memo that this is amateur hour” (Addai finished last season with a scintillating 544 yards and 5 TD’s)

See: After picking Justin Gage in 2006 way too high, “You’ll see guys. Justin Gage is going to be the NEXT BIG THING in Chicago. He’s 6’5 and played basketball in college. He’s a sure thing. He could be as good as Charles Rogers”

But when you sort through all the dap, you can see that my credentials don’t exactly measure up. Since popping my fantasy cherry with my inaugural season in 2004, I have amassed a regular season record of 28-37. In that time period, I have made three playoff appearances (shouldn’t be that hard when the top 6 makes the playoffs). In my illustrious playoff history, I have just one championship appearance, with a squad known as “The Wunderkinds.” We rode a 5-8 regular season into the sixth and final playoff spot, rode the arm of backup quarterback turned one week stud Billy Volek to the championship game where I was promptly manhandled by nearly double my score. Volek will forever hold a special place in my heart though, following his triumphant Titan performance against the lowly Raiders where he threw for 400 + yards and 5 TD’s out of nowhere. Injuries to my franchise quarterback, the heralded yet fragile Marc Bulger, forced the late season pick up and emergency start of B.V. (sounds like a disease I want to have). I’ll tell you one thing: I’ll always remember that Titan.

My 2009 edition of inadequacy will be known as "No Concentrate Juice." Each morning I hear Perez Hilton on the radio tell me his celebrity juice is free of concentrate. While he may be a raging homosexual, his words (coupled with the David Ortiz and the most recent steroid scandal) have inspired me to toast my 2009 team to good luck and health. I picture my team tasting like a nice glass of orange juice, while we squeeze out victories one week after another. Next week, I’ll be writing once again to update exactly how my fantasy team pans out. I leave you fantasy football gurus with a few tips to avoid. This is a momentary glimpse into the mind of a visionary genius. Don’t take it for granted.

1) Don’t get caught on the wrong end of the queue. Meaning, if you’re picking twice very close together and you know the proverbial onslaught for a certain position is going to come, be a leader not a follower. Example, it’s about the eighth round. You have two picks in the next five. You see no defenses off the board. Be a trend setter. Snag a defense because it will cause the “defensive panic” where everyone will feel they need to get one ASAP. It eats up picks and you’ll be drafting better talent when you finally get to pick again.

2) Don’t draft guys on bad teams. I do it every year. Oh, Drew Bennett is going to get it in this year for the Titans (’05 example). They have no one else to give it to! Oh wait, Bennett will get doubled for the whole year, show his utterly average skill set, and his numbers will drop. 8 out of 10 LSD users would make that pick. Don’t be part of the problem!

3) Don’t be that guy/girl that drafts somebody too high because you like them. I always draft Bears. They always suck. A prime example this year would be Eli Manning. Just because he makes as much money as his brother doesn’t mean you should draft him in the same neighborhood. He can’t say, “Cut that meat” like his brother. He doesn't make ESPY appearances like his brother. Don’t expect him to be Peyton, whether it’s on TV or on the field.

4) Take Adrian Peterson. Don’t try and get cute with the first pick. After that, let the rest of your league get cute and watch it all hit the fan while you sit back for tea and crumpets.

Bach's Current Sports Thoughts

The kid is riding an emotional high today. The Chicago Bears are finally causing a buzz in a positive way. I had a great fantasy football mock draft. I made a new facebook friend. Life is good.

Here are some random thoughts that came across my mind at my work desk today:

"The list of top five highest paid players in the NFL is comical at this point. In order, from highest paid, the list reads:
Julius Peppers (great player, but is he the most overvalued in the league?)
Carson Palmer (Pretty sure his knee is made of glass)
Eli Manning (who just inked a 97.5 million dollar extension and now ironically makes more money than Peyton)
Nnamdi Asomugha (One question: Who?)
Ben Roethlisberger (Okay, he wins Super Bowls)"

"In the last 25 Maui Invitationals, Chaminade has run up a gaudy record of 5-68. At least they have a cool name and even better weather. This year it will be Maryland’s turn to lay the perennial beating on the fighting Silverswords."

"It saddens me that David Lee is still without a job. Lee is exactly the kind of player that makes me proud to love the game of basketball; he works hard, defends, rebounds, and keeps his mouth shut. The down turn of the economy has squeezed out countless NBA players as teams are carrying less players and paying less money. However, if Marcin Gortat can make 35 million dollars this offseason, somebody should be willing to pay Lee. Coming off a 15 and 11 year, he deserves a better fate than returning to basketball purgatory, the New York Knicks, for less money."

"Tweeting is illegal at NFL training camps, except in New England. The Patriots have probably sent undercover tweeters all around the league to start tweeting on the competition"

Definitely.. Maybe

What's up with this Bach guy? Why doesn't he post anymore?

It's been rumored he may be participating in the Tour de France trying to single handedly block the wind for Lance Armstrong. Other sources say he's been spotted car shopping with Brett Favre. Judging by Favre's recent history, that is a decision process that may take at least 4-6 years. Word on the curb is he was spotted in the crowd at Lebron James camp. Only King James, Jordan Crawford, and Nike really know the answer to that one.

Regardless, expect Bach to be Back......SOON!

More American Than Apple Pie

I woke up this morning after an exciting and American weekend celebrating the 4th day of July. I wore red, white, and blue, I grilled burgers, I drank beer, I went to the beach. I did American things. Sometimes I wish that every 4th day of the month we celebrated our country. In retrospect, here are some recent people/situations that should make us proud to be an American.

Steve McNair- “Air” McNair led the Titans to the Super Bowl back, only to fall one yard short of the title. McNair did not however fall short in life, proving to young athletes that the sky is the limit. He amassed over 31,000 yards through the air, was a three time pro bowler, and was MVP of the league in 2003. Through his arm and his creaky yet surprisingly nimble legs, McNair reenergized the Titans squad while earning quite a reputation for himself. Steve was tougher than a two dollar steak on the field and will be cherished and missed by friends, family, and fans alike.

Andy Roddick’s Wimbledon Performance- A nervous Pete Sampras looked on today as Roddick tried to defend one American’s title while gaining his first major title since 2003. Unfortunately, Roger Federer managed to bring home a record 15th major title to his native land of Switzerland. Congratulations Roger, you have tons of gorgeous blonde women and more offshore bank accounts that a country would know what to do with. But, you don’t have Andy Roddick. He did us proud today in the longest fifth set in Wimbledon history. A crowd composed almost entirely of British fans recognized his frighteningly good serve and boyish good looks, by cheering him to the last point rather than the reigning champion. If there’s two things America loves, it’s frighteningly good serves and boyish good looks.

Detroit’s Free Agency Prowess- The Motor City doesn’t have much to look forward to these days. The fail of GM has been like a baseball bat to the knee caps of Detroit citizens trying to get to their feet. Enter two of the NBA’s budding young stars. The Pistons went out and made the changes they desperately needed to bring some new life and entertainment to a city in need. Charlie Villanueva and Ben Gordon will breathe life into an organization that was starting to get very old very fast. Another added plus was that the struggling economy helped the Pistons acquire two new pieces to the puzzle at a Salvation Army price tag. I think it was Family Wednesdays. Two budding stars for the price of one.

Ron Artest- Good old Ron Artest isn’t exactly known for being an American hero. However, in this day and age, most NBA stars just bounce their way to the locker room that can offer them the most money. However, Artest made a conscious decision to take less money to play for a title contender in the L.A. Lakers. I’m not ready to give him a gold star yet, but Artest did prove one thing. Americans love winners. Ron Artest loves winning. Does that mean America loves Ron Artest? That’s yet to be seen. Judging by the Rockets-Lakers playoff series this postseason, he better worry about winning over his teammates first.

Joey Chestnut- It doesn’t take a lot to be an American hero. It may just be one, single thing that can win the respect of people across our beautiful country. Joey Chestnut didn’t just do one thing. He did 68 things. In Coney Island, New York, Chestnut helped etch his name into the record books as one of the greatest professional eaters of all time, by holding off Takeru Kobayashi to win his second consecutive Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. His 68 dogs were the most ever eaten in the ten minute time span and his win put America on the professional eating map yet again. Kobayashi will now be forced to take the long flight home with the taste of defeat…and 64.5 hot dogs lingering in his mouth. Chestnut will be celebrated next week in his home town, after he is given a 2 day grace period to digest and use the bathroom.